Listening – The Secret To Success

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This past weekend I was cleaning my desk and came across a personality profile assessment I had taken years ago. As I reviewed this assessment one of the concerns or potential problem areas mentioned was my ability to listen. This assessment is now seven years old. I hope that if I were to take it again today listening would not be an indicator for concern!

As a coach and consultant, listening is critical to success. Listening – deep concerted listening is a skill we all can get. One of the best ways I have found to build this skill is to check-in and see if I’m present in the conversation.

To check-in I reflect back in my head first, what the individual I was talking to said and then reflect back to them what I heard. Another strategy I use is to turn-off and away from all distractions.

When meeting with a client on the phone, I turn off email and other noise making alert devices. That enables me to focus on what someone said and to seek for the meaning of what is not spoken.

Great leaders are great listeners. Thus if you want to aspire to leadership opportunities then working on your listening skills is imperative. Another benefit of listening is that your confidence will increase.

Listening is a fundamental principle and if applied to every part of our life will enhance our experience. If you want to connect on a deeper level with your children – stop talking and listen. Ask open-ended questions and then stay focused on their answers. The more you do so the deeper your relationship will become.

I am grateful for the lessons I have had in business and life on the importance of being present and focusing on how to be a better listener. Now when I take an assessment, listening will be one of my strengths rather than a concern.

Confidence In Every Season

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A few weeks ago I was speaking with a client and she made the comment she always wants to remain relevant. I have thought a lot about this statement and realized, being relevant is a derivative of confidence. Having confidence through each stage of our life will empower and open possibilities.

The question then, is how do we achieve or maintain confidence throughout the different stages we go through? The following are some strategies:

1. Keep setting goals to achieve. As we push our self to achieve our goals, we allow our self to keep growing. I believe if you are not climbing, then you are sliding. I have also found this is one of the secrets to life.
2. Try something new. Whether you succeed at something new, the process of trying and stretching will build confidence.
3. Do something everyday that scares you. This is like trying something new. By conquering fear you will have a big boost to your confidence.
4. Do your best. When you know deep down that you have given your all, then your confidence with grow.
5. Healthy daily habits. Take stock of your daily habits. Are they helping you reach your goals or are they stunting your growth? If you need to change your habits, begin in a small way and set a goal to apply them into your daily life.

Years ago I started a new job in downtown Salt Lake City, Utah. I realized my confidence was shaky even though I had been hired. I decided each day I entered the parking lot for work, I would greet the parking attendant with a smile and warm hello. What was amazing about this experience was it set the tone for the rest of my day in a positive and confident way.

Mastering Body Language

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Body Language is a fascinating topic. Have you ever noticed that it is fun to watch others, imitate and may I dare say make fun of them? However, when it comes to our own individual body language, we have blinders on what our non-verbals are saying to others. By mastering our own individual body language we are able to uncover our potential.

Little things such as fidgeting, playing with your hair, or slouching are all indicators of how we view our self and what we are communicating to the outside world. The more confident you are the more your body will communicate that feeling to yourself and others. By changing how we hold our bodies we can change how productive and successful we are.

Take the next 15 minutes and observe the following:

1. What are you doing with your legs?
2. Are you slumping in a chair or sitting with your back straight?
3. Look at others around you – notice their posture
4. Notice those whose hands are clasped or touching their neck
5. What about your facial expressions? Do you look pleasant or stern a majority of the time?

Being aware of our body and how we are holding it as we work throughout the day, network at events, or present in a boardroom, will provide a framework on how we can improve our ability to communicate more effectively. Oftentimes our non-verbal language is killing our ability to persuade and influence. Influence is not just for the outside world. Scientists have found that what you do with your body influences your inside mental and emotional world.

By being clear about what your body language is saying to others you will be more equipped to make the changes you need to increase your confidence, obtain higher productivity and achieve a more positive mental framework. Your body language is key to reaching your goals!

Head Trash

Head Trash - You can eliminate it!

Head Trash – You can eliminate it!

This past week I was networking with a gentleman that admitted he was nervous to get on stage and present to a group of donors and CEOs of major companies in the area. He mentioned that he wasn’t usually nervous to speak in front of groups that were half the size. As he was speaking I was able to change his state by telling him this was head trash.

What are you allowing in your head? You have more power than you realize in controlling your thoughts and reactions to those thoughts. Here are some keys to make certain you are eliminating head trash:

1. Not buying into negative thinking – when you start thinking that you can’t; turn that thought around to “what if” – what if is a possibility statement. Success could be on the other side of that question. My brother shared a great quote he saw “You Can If You will.”

2. Reflect on a past success – when you begin to doubt, go back into your memory bank to a success you experienced. Think about what was going on in your head and copy those feelings and emotions.

3. Take the anxiety and turn it into excitement – rather than stamping out the fear use it to power through the head trash.

We are capable of more than we realize. Just as an athlete trains to make a touchdown or win a race, it all starts in our head. Don’t let head trash stop you from achieving your goals and experiencing opportunities that could move you to the next level. Your winning edge is just a thought away.

Listening – a dying art?

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Recently I have been speaking to several groups on how to listen more effectively. As I have researched how this skill can be enhanced I have been amazed at the things I have learned. Some researchers have noted that listening is becoming a dying art.

First off, if we want to improve confidence then becoming a better listener is critical. If we are too busy listening to what is going on inside our own heads we will miss the opportunities of progress and fulfillment going on in the world around us.

Here are some tips to enhance your ability to listen:

1. Observe non-verbals
2. Focus on the speaker
3. Give listening cues
4. Don’t interrupt
5. Clarify points
6. Paraphrase
7. Wait for feedback

Listening – just as with anything in life can be learned. We can increase our abilities on whatever we focus on. It takes awareness and practice.