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Anatomy of relationships

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Why is it that there are some individuals on this planet that you instantly connect with and others who take a little bit of time?

This question has been one that I have often meditated upon. I find that those individuals whom I feel what I like to refer to as, “energy transference,” are the individuals I enjoy spending time with. What is meant by “energy transference?” Energy transference is when you feel positive and synergistic communication occurring between yourself and another. In contrast, have you ever met those folks who when you have a dialogue or exchange information with they suck the life right out of you? I know I have, and I have made it a priority to seek relationships that I feel positive energy from.

Some of our deepest relationships sometimes start off rocky or we misjudge the individual. One of my dearest friends growing up had the personality of someone who was aloof and unapproachable. As time went on and we had reason to interact I realized what an amazing woman she was and currently is. The lesson to each of us is to be careful not to judge. In fact if you become a perceiver instead of a judger you will experience more happiness.

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Appreciating Service

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While sitting in a restaurant the other day, I noticed the table next to me and how the serving staff was very attentive to this table and to all the surrounding tables.  What was interesting about my observation was how those folks sitting at the various tables were interacting with the restaurant staff. Each table was a little different.  One table was very gregarious and laughing it up while another table was very quiet and didn’t seem to notice those serving them.  The third table appeared to be very demanding and extremely rude from what I was observing.

Now if you have ever worked in the service industry you will probably recognize these different behaviors. Do you notice those serving you? Or do you go through life expecting service and never really acknowledge great service? Some service professionals are trained to be invisible while others are trained to connect and take more of a sales role. It is extremely interesting to observe political candidates and how they treat service staff at a networking function. If you have never done this, I would encourage you to try it sometime. Some individuals have a tendency to put forward an air of superiority while others are cognizant that they are not the only individuals walking the planet.

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Bring it on

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Those things that we have to work the hardest for are often the most dear and appreciated.

Why do you think that is? A few weeks ago I was having dinner with a past colleague who is contemplating a major move and an advanced leadership position change with his company. As we were discussing this decision he stated that most things in his life have come easy for him such as his career and upward mobility and the income associated with it. He was describing all of the perks for taking this new position and on one hand he kept asking himself “what is the catch?” While on the other hand he was telling himself he would be crazy not to take and run with the opportunity. He confided in me that maybe it wouldn’t be a challenge and getting to this point had not really been hard. The next week he discovered what the initial challenge would be. The questions he is asking himself now is “will this challenge be strong enough and the experience fulfilling?”

Adversity comes in many forms. It is also in the eye of the beholder. What you may find as a challenge, I may see it differently. So being sensitive to others and the experiences they go through will assist you in all interpersonal relationships. Sometimes as an observer it is hard to watch as someone is going through a really hard time and you can be at a loss for words. Just being a friend and trying to understand what it is they are feeling and validating those feelings will provide comfort and balm to that friendship.

Years ago I was faced with a challenge that I could not view as an opportunity. Through the experience I was depressed, gaining weight, losing self confidence and receiving very little sleep. In speaking to one of my friends about the predicament he listened and gave some advice but the comment he made that I could really hold on to was “Linda, you have been through worse than this.” I have reflected on that observation when new challenges and adversity has reared its head.

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Catch Me If You Can

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“Good decisions come from wisdom; Wisdom comes from experience; Experience comes from making bad decisions.”

–Author Unknown

Many years ago I had the opportunity to speak at and facilitate a conference where one of the most famous and recent national speakers of the day presented. The speaker’s name was Frank Abagnale. Between the ages of sixteen and twenty-one he was probably one of the century’s most cunning swindlers. Although misdirected he changed his life and eventually turned into an FBI instructor. Like many stories, this particular individual’s story was picked up and produced by Hollywood into a bestselling movie entitled, “Catch Me If You Can,” starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

I expected him to be a very gregarious and loud individual as a result of his portrayal on the silver screen. However, when I met the real man I was struck with how shy and humble he is. In fact, when I met him he verily looked me in the eye. I learned a lot from his presentation and his message is still today one worth listening to because as a con artist he was able to illicit trust from those he met instantly.

So let’s take a look at some of the characteristics of someone who is trustworthy.

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Raising Summer – We’re in trouble now!

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Raising Summer – We’re in trouble now!

Three weeks from today I will lose a daughter and gain a son-in-law.

How many of you have a child? Have you ever looked at a child and thought they are just like their Mom or Dad? That happened to me. It hit me like a lightning bolt. The child was my daughter Summer and from the minute she was born I could read her like a book. From the minute she started mentally processing life, I could tell what she was thinking because her brain is very similar to mine.

It’s pretty scary to look at your offspring and realize uh-oh, we’re in trouble now!

One the first precocious things she did was when she was three years old and we brought home a baby brother named Logan and about the second night we were home went in to pick up Logan from the crib and she was standing on his crib and shaking it and saying “wake-up baby, wake-up.” Figured out that night, Summer, needed to be put in a different bedroom.

When she was born and through her early years we were always told that she looked like her dad. Now, I’ll let you decide.  In several ways she is like her dad, but I can still read her like a book.

Unlike me, Summer has always spoken her mind from a very young age.

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